I’m not one-hundred percent sure when I crossed the threshold from plant-enjoyer to fully-blown plant lady, but it happened. It happened pretty quickly and it happened hard.
I’ve brought it on myself to be quite honest with you. I dabbled with ferns and admired trailing pots of ivy. My heart would beat a little faster when I saw a cheese plant in Dobbies and I felt the sheer joy of seeing a plant grow before my very eyes.
I am a plant lady.
Being a plant lady is kind of a trend right now, but I hope it’s one that sticks around… because not only are plants pretty good for you (and by that I mean good for the air and environment – don’t eat them), they’re super pretty and are like a bunch of flowers that never dies. Looking after a plant is a bit like practice for looking after pets, it’s like a grown-up pastime that brings so much joy and happiness.
Basically, it rocks.
Today I’m sharing 10 big old signs that you too have fallen to the plants. If you can relate to these ten things, then you’re probably a massive plant lady. In the closet or not, it’s something to be proud of, right?
So, you’re definitely a massive plant lady if…
You remember your first IKEA cactus
For as long as I can remember IKEA has sold mini cacti in packs of three. I feel like an IKEA cactus (or succulent nowadays) is the threshold of all that is crazy plant lady life. They’re small, they’re really, really hard to kill and they’re all relatively cheap – the ideal IKEA treats to beg your Dad to splash out an extra £3.50 on.
Even being aware of the presence of #plantlady means that you’re pretty deep into the plant situation. A seemingly bottomless well of Instagram inspiration that will absorb hours of your life AND spark envy over those who have windowsills full of exotic-looking plants and those who know the real names of things without resorting to google. Maybe, one day, that’ll be you – but not today.
You’ve purchased plant art
What’s the natural next move when you’ve filled your entire house with plants? Purchasing things that at least look like plants – of course. Botanical Etsy art prints, palm leaf wallpaper and cheese plant fabric all become irresistible and haunt you almost as much as the shadows of your plants on the wall do.
You’ve compiled The Plant List
You know… THE plant list. The list of plants that if you won the lottery tomorrow you’d buy. The crazy ones like the variegated Monstera Deliciosa and the hard to get a hold of ones that would require special delivery or ordering three months in advance. You’d have them if you could… and soon, nothing will stop you.
You own the coveted cheese plant
This time last year, ALL I wanted for my growing plant collection was a cheese plant. It represented all of my Instagram goals and plant dreams – but it was a real pain to try and find. Nowadays they’re in most garden centres as the oldies have cottoned on… thank goodness! It’s still one of my favourite plant babes and has even spawned off several mini-versions since our love affair started in March!
Playing musical plants is an event
It’s normal to move your plants around – some like it lighter and some like it darker. We’ve taken it to the next level this time though. We’re not just moving a couple here and there, it’s turned into a full-on game of musical plants. Why CAN’T that extra cheese plant go next to the toilet? It might just thrive…
You can’t resist an affordable plant pot
Heard that Aldi is doing giant plant pots for a fiver? Get your coat. Garden centre sale? Hop in the car. By now you’re a slave to your plants and their amenities, so if you spy the opportunity to save some sweet dollar on those must-haves, then all bets are on that you’re already halfway to Aldi before 8 am.
You’ve purchased a ritualistic watering can
Watering your plants is necessary. Why not make the whole ordeal a little prettier/more fun/cult-ish and use an Instagram worthy watering can? I picked up a cute blue one from TK Maxx a few weeks ago and have already fallen into a better plant-watering ritual. Better or just more aesthetically pleasing… who knows.
You’ve built a plant hospital
You accidentally killed one of your nearest and dearest (don’t worry – sometimes we all fuck up) and ignoring your peers’ pleas for you to bin the shrivelled plant, you cordon off a section of your kitchen and set to work. Over the course of a few weeks, you assess your poorly plant, letting it dry out if need be or giving it daily TLC – you WILL rescue it from its final destination!
You try to convert others to #plantlady life
Buying plants as presents, sharing your knowledge over tea and cake and cooing over unexpected plant finds – hello cute plants in Wilko. Once you’ve reached this stage, loving plants yourself isn’t enough. Converting others to your love of plants is the new goal, so wherever you go you can be surrounded by green monsters and talk about soil moistness and leaf growth all day, every day.