I’ve always resisted writing life update posts because they seem so in descript. Most people click through to my blog because I’ve written about something interesting, helpful or maybe a little controversial, and I’ll be honest my life so far isn’t close to any of those three things. *laugh/cry*
However, here we are with a post title: life update. Prepare for a bombardment of updates about to come your way.
I’ve been trying to write a blog post for a week and have ended up with 5 half-finished posts with no rhyme or reason. I figure that it’s because I’ve tried to work my absence and ‘what’s going on right now’ into every post – even when it’s pretty irrelevant to what I’m writing about! Don’t get me wrong, nothing crazy drastic has happened, but enough is going on for me to easily write 1000 words (sorry in advance for the possible rambling nature of this post).
So, where to start? The last time I felt in a true blogging swing was the week before my birthday, back in April. A mix of birthday excitement and eagerness to get-shiz-done overwhelmed me, leaving BKY full of content, but leaving my head a little foggy and overworked…
The Post-Birthday Blogging Blues
Everyone gets a smidgen depressed the week after their birthday, right? (and believe me, I’m not throwing ‘depressed’ around in lieu of the word ‘sad’). I always feel the stabbing pain of real-life returning quite harshly, and the weeks following my 21st birthday this year were no exception.
I tried to get back on the blogging bandwagon, but every time I tried, I fell back off quickly and decided that my time was better spent crying over bad job interviews (we’ll get to that) and eating leftover birthday/easter/standard chocolate. It wasn’t a lack of ideas that was stopping me in my tracks, I just felt lost, demotivated and exhausted by the sheer thought of scheduling more tweets.
This lethargy didn’t take long to seep into the rest of my life and before I knew it I hadn’t been out of the house in three days and was dangerously close to blowing all my cash on stationery online (true story).
Eventually, I got the idea that my brain and body weren’t doing anything without a break. I set blogging out of my mind for a solid few weeks and focussed on my inflexible commitments. Did I get through these with any amount of joy or ease? No, not really, but I got the bare minimum of what needed doing done and present me is super thankful that past me didn’t let my life fall entirely to ruins.
Still No Job-Job
One thing that hasn’t been able to take a break is my job hunt, and I’ll be frank with you, I’m starting to feel more like the hunted in this process.
People have been saying for ages that getting a job is hard, but as someone who used to swan in and get the job (okay, only like 4 times but still), the massive surge of rejection has been something I was ill prepared for.
The first few no-offers weren’t too painful as it took me a while to settle into applying for the right jobs. It was only when I got knocked down from a few opportunities that just seemed the perfect fit that I started really struggling. Of course, no job is perfect (I know this now), but as a naturally sensitive (and highly intuitive) person, some of the rejections I’ve had over the last month have hit me pretty hard.
The thing about looking for jobs is that it’s impossible not to overthink it or not to get excited about the possibility. For every interview I’ve been to I’ve become invested in the position. Before you even start the interview you have to think about how this role (hours, travel, workload, duties) would fit into your life. There’s not a way to fully prepare for an interview without imagining yourself in the role.
The exhausting part is that after every interview and every rejection, it takes time and energy to process the experience and mentally erase that possible path of your life. Does this make sense to anyone else?
I want to care and feel passionate about the work I do and to me, that means going through this emotionally draining process – even though I kind of super (definitely) hate it.
Part of me genuinely believes that the universe is stopping me getting a job because I just need to do my own thing… which is great and all (thanks, Universe, you’re kind of a scumbag) but this girl’s got bills to pay. Very soon, and they’re real bills. Not just my phone and Spotify bill. REAL BILLS.
21 Years of Stuff
You know what comes before real bills? The decision to move out of your family home and move in with your boyfriend (who is also moving out of his family home).
Exciting! Stressful! Terrifying!
The rational part of me (it’s a small part) definitely agrees that it maybe wasn’t the perfect time to sign a lease and have to buy a bed and dressers and a bath mat. The same part of me agrees that if I had to stay living alongside my parents and brother for much longer, I would rip my hair out and submit to becoming full-on never leaves her own bedroom kind of a hermit.
I love my family, but geez, have I grown out of being asked what I want for dinner (sorry, Mum – I still appreciate it). If we hadn’t found a place so quickly I’m sure I’d still be able to tolerate the company of my family, but ever since knowing that I was outta here, every waking second has been unbearable.
Not only is the waiting for June to roll around painful enough, day-by-day the list of things to do and sort out becomes longer. The stress that is slowly building up behind my eyes is going to burst one day and I can only hope that it’s not in public. Apparently, they say that moving house is the most stressful thing you can do, but as a young woman with not oodles of stuff, I figured it wouldn’t be so bad… Yeah, good thinking, Becky.
We move at the beginning of June and underneath all the stress, anger and confusion, I’m super-duper excited. I’m mostly excited to use my Royal Daulton 1815 Crockery that I snagged on Price Match at John Lewis. I’m also excited to style little corners (that won’t show the vast space void of unaffordable furniture) of the house and finally get my interior game back on track. Am I excited about living with a boy? I’ll be honest with you I’m trying to block that part out of my mind… any tips would be very much appreciated.
Back in the Game
As well as saying that moving house is the most stressful thing you can do, I’m sure that job-hunting is also up there. With a move, a job-hunt and the launch of my freelance content career is it any surprise that I’m suffocating under mental to-do lists?
Even with all this mental (freaking out) pressure, I’m getting back into the blog game over the next few weeks. If anything it’s just to buffer the constant need to do something serious, but also, I’ve really missed it.
Running this aesthetically pleasing little place inspires me every day and without it, I’ve become disconnected with myself.
Over the next few weeks, I’ve got some great content scheduled (warning: it might be related to things like job interviews and moving house…) so I hope you can stick around and continue the journey of BKY with me. I’ve also got something a little more exciting in the works so stay tuned for a launch in June.